A Legacy of Light

I actually have a lot to say. It seems like it's been forever since I've had a quiet moment to myself to write. So much has been going on that I don't even know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with a status I posted a while back on Facebook:This past week has started making me think about what my legacy. What do people say about me? Have I helped everyone I could? Does Christ's love shine through me? If not, that needs to change. We are the light afterall to this dark world. I hope I am doing my part to bring hope and love. It's kind of silly what prompted my thought that day, but here goes. A well known DJ, named Kidd Kraddick passed away almost 3 weeks ago. It was amazing to me how people all around the world were calling in and talking about all this stuff he did for others behind the scenes, and then of course the work he did through his charity Kidd's Kids. That had me thinking, what is my legacy? Am I truly doing everything within my power to help others? Am I a true friend? Do people see Christ's love in me? Do I bring light to this dark and dying world? My husband responded and said that our legacy will be through our boys. Of course that's true, but why should it be limited to that? I work and interact with so many people throughout the day. It's sounds so cliche, but do they see Jesus in me?
I truly want people to walk away from me knowing that I'm different. I want to live in such a way that everyone wonders what's the joy that radiates off of her?
Nothing brings me more joy than leading worship at church. It has nothing to do with the fact that there's a microphone in my hand. It's the fact that God's presence transforms. His presence renews my strength, gives me peace, fills me with joy. Honestly if I could walk around singing out loud all day, I would be a lot happier. Unfortunately that's frowned upon at work. ;-) So I just have to settle with a song in my heart. (SUPER CHEESEY, I know.)

I guess the main point of what's been on my mind is we've found the truth. Jesus has filled us with His peace and He's given us Hope and Love. Why would we not want to share that with our friends, coworkers...even the people we're not all that fond of? Honestly those are the people that need Jesus the most. Well I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for another day! :-)

Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Tragedy Around the Corner

This week has been so emotional. It's always so terrible to hear of tragedies, but it's a completely different reality when it's around the corner from your house. I'm not going to get into any details, because they don't matter, and I'd rather not repeat them. I wish I didn't know, honestly.
The fact of the matter is, I HATE that this happened. I HATE that I can't drive through my neighborhood without crying. All the purple ribbons are amazing, but it's a reminder at every corner of the tragedy that rocked our community. The curbside memorial is so very sweet, but every time I drive passed it the tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
It's the worst talking to your 13 year old and having to tell him what happened, how that monster is still on the loose. I tell him we just have to know that God is walking with us and protecting us, but at the same time there's no way to explain WHY this happened to THIS child. I told him we live in a country that is turning it's back more and more from God, and we just have to pray that people turn back to Him. We pray, that's all we can do. I also explain that unfortunately there are just some things that we'll never understand in this life.
I can't explain the dilemma that goes through my head about walking through our neighborhood. Dex and I were starting to really enjoy our walks. I know we're not supposed to live in fear, but at the same time, I don't want to put mine or my child's life in danger. It's just sucks...I know that's a terrible word, but what else can I say? 

The night this tragedy happened, my devotion was Psalms 23. I love how God is right on time. Psalms 23:4 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

I have been playing 2 songs over and over in my car since this happened, and I realize I have posted these before. The first song is "In Better Hands" and the second, "Our Hope Endures," both by Natalie Grant. "In Better Hands" says, "There's no fear when the night comes around. I'm in better hands now. It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pourin' down. It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground. So take this heart of mine There's no doubt I'm in better hands now."

"Our Hope Endures" says, "Emanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient. We never walk alone and this is our hope. Our hope endures."

I'm so grateful for the hope and peace I have in Jesus. I can't lie and say I don't feel uneasy, sick, angry, and devastated, but I know He feels it too, and He will walk all of us through this if we just lean on Him.

Psalms...Just Can't Get Enough

I know I have blogged about my love for the Psalms before, but I just can't get enough.
This past week, I was having some issues sleeping. I can't really explain how I felt besides my throat was tight and it felt like there was a lump it. This caused anxiety or the anxiety caused this...who really knows? After praying for God to help me calm down so I could sleep, I began reading the Psalms. Chapter after chapter I felt the oncoming panic attack subside, and peace overwhelmed me.
After reading the following verses, it was impossible not to feel better.
Psalms 3:3-5 But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. I lay down and slept;I awoke, for the Lord sustained me.
Psalms 4:8 I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalms 5:11-12  Let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.
It's kind of crazy, because I had already read through the Psalms once, but I feel as if I will be reading through them again. Something about the words in these particular chapters are medicine for my soul. I'm honestly not real sure what brings on these anxiety attacks, but I'm so grateful I have the tools to stop them..prayer and Psalms. Continuing to pray that these episodes disappear completely.

He Loves

So today was Father's Day and church is normally cancelled Sunday evening. It wasn't tonight. I was okay with it, besides the migraine that just seemed to progress as the day did. I really wanted to just stay at home in a dark room until sleep came.
I decided to go ahead and go. Thank God I did!! :-) You see for the 3 songs that we did during worship my migraine disappeared. That's not even the best part though. God just wrapped His loving presence around me. All I could do was weep singing "How He Loves." The words are so simple "He loves us. Oh how He Loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves." You see, if you really think about those words you are singing, it's impossible not to be moved.
God LOVES us SO very much. It's truly overwhelming and WONDERFUL to know that. He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and yet He loved me enough to die. That's why I sing "Jesus Lover of my soul. Jesus I will never let you go. You've taken me from the miry clay, set my feet upon the rock and now I know..I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU..Though my world may fall, I'll NEVER let You go. My Savior, my closest friend...I will worship You until the very end."
I'm so grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. He LOVES..DEEPLY loves, TRULY loves. We're in a world full of desperate and hurting people. It's so important that THEY know the love, hope, joy and peace that's awaiting for them if they just believe. God's love is certainly not a love that we should just keep in our churches or to ourselves. We're called to be the hands and feet of God and that means reaching His broken and lost children. Through Him there is HOPE, and if you look around, hope, is exactly what this world needs.

Heaven's Sounding Sweeter

"Heaven's sounding sweeter all the time. Seems like lately it's always on my mind.

Someday I'll leave this world behind. Heaven's sounding sweeter all the time."

I haven't heard this song in such a long time, but as I was driving home tonight these lyrics were playing in my head. This past week has been a rough one. Two major tragedies in our world and the sting of loss. Two of my dear friends are moving away this week along with Dex being sick. It's been so hard to not walk around crying. 

It just really makes you wish that Jesus would hurry up and come. Two scriptures ring so true at this very moment. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. ¹⁴ For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. And also Psalms 34:18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Life can be so hard sometimes. The hope we have though is this world is as bad as it gets for us. This is NOT our home and one day we will join our Savior where there are no more tears or sorrow.  I anxiously await this day and even long for it so much. I guess you could say I'm homesick. I'm sick of crying and I'm so sick of broken hearts. I am so grateful for God's peace and that He's always right here with us. I think of a song my grandpa wrote, "There is peace in the time of trouble. There is peace in the midst of the storm. There is peace though the world be raging..in the shelter of His arms." Thank God for His peaceful embrace, those loving arms that never let us go.  When the world is out of control, He's holding us safely in His arms. 

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar. I will soar with you above the storm.

Father you are King over the flood. I will be still, know you are God."

Phillippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding , will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Recent Happenings

As I sit here completely exhausted, I thought it was time I posted since it's  been a while.
First of all, I am so very grateful that Aaron is employed again. While the fact that his training has been in Buffalo, NY has been trying, I'm still so thankful. We miss him terribly, but he'll be back this weekend even if it is just Saturday. :0) We'll soak up all the time we have!
It's still so amazing to me how God has provided for us throughout this whole time. Aaron has yet to get a paycheck, but money has been coming in from here and there..cash, checks. I'm in awe of God's provision. He is so faithful.
There was a short period of time where I started questioning where God had placed me and where he was using me a couple of weeks ago. Right when I was literally about to throw in the towel, He showed me that was exactly where he wanted me. Things have been so much better since, and there is no other explanation BUT God.
Easter Sunday was amazing...as it always is. I had the privilege of taking a sweet little girl to church with me. It was so fun getting her ready, and Dex loved having his little girlfriend with us for the weekend. :0) We enjoyed the fun for the kiddos. The sweetest moment I shared with the little ones was when they were both chatting about how Jesus died on the cross and then came back to life on Easter. I love that their chatter was not about bunnies, but about the true reason we celebrate Easter, AKA Resurrection Sunday.

Worship was so very sweet and I couldn't stop the tears as we sang, "He became sin who knew no sin, that we might become His righteousness. He humbled Himself and carried the cross. Love so AMAZING. Jesus Messiah, name above all names, blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel. The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven, Jesus Messiah..Lord of all." I felt so overwhelmed with His love, and if you've never felt it, you're missing out.

One really cool thing that happened as I was keeping my friends sweet little girl was she was running a fever one morning...102.4. As I was in the shower, I prayed that her fever would go down. When I checked it after I got out of the shower it had already gone down to 99.4..low grade. There is still power in prayer, folks. She was ready to play, but of course, like a good mommy/caregiver, I made her take it easy...just in case. :)
Well I'm sure I could ramble on and on, but after my steroid shot, (which I had hoped would give me energy,) I am exhausted. I believe I will be turning in early again tonight.

God's Capable Hands

I'm not even sure how to start this one because there is so much running through my mind today. I'll try to sort it all out in some sort of way.

Yesterday was a hard day for many reasons..honestly most of them had nothing to do with me and my daily anxieties. Of course work is still a struggle and we're still anxiously awaiting an official start date for Aaron to go back to work, but through it all God is sustaining me...giving me the strength to hold it together and take it day by day.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed by the trials some of my dear friends are facing. My last hour of work and on the way home I just couldn't help the tears from coming. I so desperately pray for miracles in each of their individual situations, and I so desperately want to take their pain away. And yes, I know that it is not in my power to solve their situations, but I'm so grateful I know the One who can. 

Yesterday on the drive home several songs, (you guessed it,) made me cry even harder, because the words are so true. One was by Kari Jobe. "Come to Me you broken one and I will give you peace. I will calm your waters, and I will whisper Peace be still. Take me upon you and I will give you peace. Come to me you burdened one, and I will give you joy. You will rise like eagles, and My joy will be your strength. Take me upon you, and I will give you joy." Sometimes I wish it wasn't weird to send mixed 'tapes' to everyone. Because so often I hear songs, and I so desperately want someone to hear it. Then again, maybe music doesn't move everyone the same as it does me. It's so soothing and healing to me. 

The other song was by Natalie Grant and yep I was crying some more. ;0) "I am strong all because of You. I stand in awe of every mountain that You move.I am changed. Yesterday is gone. I am safe from this moment on. And there's no fear when the night comes 'round...I'm in better hands now." See the situations my sweet friends are facing are so hard, and it hurts me to know that they're struggling with such a heavy burden. That's why I just get overwhelmed with tears at the part of "being in awe of every mountain that He's moved." I have seen His mighty miracles, and I have seen hopeless turned into hope in mere minutes. 

As I was going to bed last night about to read my devotion, this verse was the verse of the day, and WOW...I absolutely love it!!! The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

So glad that we have a God who saves. I'm glad that I don't have to worry about my friends, because God is holding them in His very capable hands, singing over them. :0)