It's Time

This week it seems as if the world is going crazy. There is more violence, more hatred, more division than I have ever seen in my 34 years of life. In the midst of my fear, all I can feel is "it's time."

Time for what you ask? 

I can't speak for anyone else, but it's time for me to humble myself and repent for not loving the way I should. I haven't loved people the way I should, and I definitely haven't loved God above all. My heart is grieved and broken, I'm disappointed that I've let life steal my joy. I've let circumstances control me. I've let the trials of life steal my focus. I've let myself get discouraged, which has taken me away from the work I'm called to do. I'm called to love. I'm called to use my circumstances as a testimony to encourage someone struggling as well. I'm supposed to love people to Jesus.

It's also time for the church to tear down the religious walls dividing us all. If we can't stand as a united body, there truly is NO HOPE for this lost and dying world. We carry the hope within us. We have the answer to all of the hurt and pain. We know the healer and the comforter. We know the mender of broken hearts and the One who provides the peace that passes all understanding. It is time we share Him with our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and family. 

It's time to pray. PRAY like we've never prayed before. Prayer changes things. I've seen it. 

It's time. It's time. IT'S TIME!!! It's not going to be easy, but in our weakness, He is strong.

No more playing church. It's time to BE the church. 

The song that has been on my heart today is "Hosanna." This is my heart's cry:

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your kingdoms cause as I walk from Earth into eternity.

2 Chronicles 7:14

if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

John 16:33

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

Overcome

It's been forever since I've taken the time to write. I've thought about it, but it's been impossible to be alone with my thoughts.
Last time  I wrote Elyse Harley was a mere week old. Well she is now a chunker and almost 5 months old. I LOVE her and feel so grateful that God entrusted me to be her mommy. The boys are thriving so far this school year, but it's so hard to believe we have a baby, 1st grader and a sophomore.
How do I even begin to write about the past 5 months? I've been the happiest, most anxious, more fearful, most frustrated I've been in a very long time. I am literally all over the place these days. Trying to find the balance and keep my sanity has been extremely hard. Being proactive, but also having faith is a difficult balance to find.
It's so funny because last Sunday at church our friend Aaron led the song Overcome. Since then, I've found myself singing this song while going through everyday tasks. After struggling between anxiety and fear for months now, the words struck a chord inside me.

All authority, every victory is Yours. 

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame. 

Jesus, awesome in power forever, Awesome and great is Your name, You Overcame. 

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, Everyone overcome.

I think what I love about this song is that through Him, we ARE overcomers as well. My victory is in Him. My hope, my peace, my faith, my trust, my strength is in Him. Every victory: overcoming bulimia, heartbreak, illness, it's all His. None of these things would have been possible without the love and guidance of my Heavenly Father. He loved me enough to walk through every trial with me. His word gave me victory. Songs He brought to life in the hearts of others helped me through. One of my many life verses is Psalm 139:14 "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."  

I've been receiving little reminders daily through His word that He's got this. Whatever IT is, He'll get me through. I'm so thankful for friends who encourage and a church that truly loves me. I am truly surrounded by the best people. I'll leave you with some of the verses that have pulled me back from the ledge of anxiety and fear:

John 16:33 "These thing I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I HAVE OVERCOME the world."

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation, I will TRUST and NOT be afraid;The Lord is my STRENGTH and song;He also has become my salvation."

Psalm 4:8 "I will both lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 5:11-12 "But may all those who seek refuge in You rejoice; May they ever shout for joy, because You defend them;May those who love Your name be joyful in You. For You, Lord, will bless the righteous; You surround him with favor like a shield."

Lastly here's a quote that also made me smile this week, "The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us."

Why Do I Worship

I think we all know the verse above. We were made to worship and praise the Lord. I'm not sure why, but lately I've started to think about why I worship. I think present changes and direction have really made me start questioning why I do what I do and why worship has always been a passion of mine. 

At night after my devotions, I began pondering this question: Why do I Worship? You see the question isn't why anyone else does. I need to explore the answer for me. I've never understood why getting people to worship is like pulling teeth. I have always questioned this, because I know God has done so much for all of us. Honestly the cross itself is enough to praise him for all the days of our lives.

While examining my heart, I came up with a ton of reasons that I worship Jesus, the Lover of my soul. 

Let's start with the lyrics of this song, "He's taken me from the miry clay." I can't count how many times I've been rescued by my Savior. He pulled me out of the mess of my bad decisions. He loved me when I was unlovable. He died for me knowing all the mistakes I would make and would continue to make.

He's healed me countless times. Instead of having a 3rd brain surgery, I was healed and the doctor cancelled the surgery. I was healed/delivered from bulimia, a deep dark path I never thought I would break free of. He's healed my broken heart more times than I can count.

He gives me peace in the midst of every storm of life. "There is peace in the time of trouble. There is peace in the midst of the storm. There is peace though the world be raging, in the shelter of His arms." There is nothing that compares to the His peace. It has enveloped me so many times when I felt I could not go on.

I could go on and on. I praise Him for keeping me and my family safe, that we're all healthy, we have what we need but also many things that we want. God has blessed  me far beyond what I deserve. I praise Him mostly because He loves me. He loves me in spite of me. He doesn't care about the many flaws I drive myself insane about. He loves me from my freckled face to my weird toes. 

Let's face it, I don't worship Him for what He can give, but I worship Him because He deserves my highest praise. I am often, well actually always moved to tears when I worship. His love is truly overwhelming. The beautiful thing about Jesus is He loves to bless His children. I often realize my headache or aches and pains disappear while I'm in His presence.

If we all truly grasped the message of the cross, and the fact that He Loves US SO very much, worship at church would truly be a joyous time, a life changing time. It wouldn't just be at church either, it would bleed into our everyday lives, and boy how we could change this lost and dying world. I worship Jesus because I love Him so much, and I want my life to exude that love, so others will see Him in me.

A Legacy of Light

I actually have a lot to say. It seems like it's been forever since I've had a quiet moment to myself to write. So much has been going on that I don't even know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with a status I posted a while back on Facebook:This past week has started making me think about what my legacy. What do people say about me? Have I helped everyone I could? Does Christ's love shine through me? If not, that needs to change. We are the light afterall to this dark world. I hope I am doing my part to bring hope and love. It's kind of silly what prompted my thought that day, but here goes. A well known DJ, named Kidd Kraddick passed away almost 3 weeks ago. It was amazing to me how people all around the world were calling in and talking about all this stuff he did for others behind the scenes, and then of course the work he did through his charity Kidd's Kids. That had me thinking, what is my legacy? Am I truly doing everything within my power to help others? Am I a true friend? Do people see Christ's love in me? Do I bring light to this dark and dying world? My husband responded and said that our legacy will be through our boys. Of course that's true, but why should it be limited to that? I work and interact with so many people throughout the day. It's sounds so cliche, but do they see Jesus in me?
I truly want people to walk away from me knowing that I'm different. I want to live in such a way that everyone wonders what's the joy that radiates off of her?
Nothing brings me more joy than leading worship at church. It has nothing to do with the fact that there's a microphone in my hand. It's the fact that God's presence transforms. His presence renews my strength, gives me peace, fills me with joy. Honestly if I could walk around singing out loud all day, I would be a lot happier. Unfortunately that's frowned upon at work. ;-) So I just have to settle with a song in my heart. (SUPER CHEESEY, I know.)

I guess the main point of what's been on my mind is we've found the truth. Jesus has filled us with His peace and He's given us Hope and Love. Why would we not want to share that with our friends, coworkers...even the people we're not all that fond of? Honestly those are the people that need Jesus the most. Well I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for another day! :-)

Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

He Loves

So today was Father's Day and church is normally cancelled Sunday evening. It wasn't tonight. I was okay with it, besides the migraine that just seemed to progress as the day did. I really wanted to just stay at home in a dark room until sleep came.
I decided to go ahead and go. Thank God I did!! :-) You see for the 3 songs that we did during worship my migraine disappeared. That's not even the best part though. God just wrapped His loving presence around me. All I could do was weep singing "How He Loves." The words are so simple "He loves us. Oh how He Loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves." You see, if you really think about those words you are singing, it's impossible not to be moved.
God LOVES us SO very much. It's truly overwhelming and WONDERFUL to know that. He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and yet He loved me enough to die. That's why I sing "Jesus Lover of my soul. Jesus I will never let you go. You've taken me from the miry clay, set my feet upon the rock and now I know..I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU..Though my world may fall, I'll NEVER let You go. My Savior, my closest friend...I will worship You until the very end."
I'm so grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. He LOVES..DEEPLY loves, TRULY loves. We're in a world full of desperate and hurting people. It's so important that THEY know the love, hope, joy and peace that's awaiting for them if they just believe. God's love is certainly not a love that we should just keep in our churches or to ourselves. We're called to be the hands and feet of God and that means reaching His broken and lost children. Through Him there is HOPE, and if you look around, hope, is exactly what this world needs.

Recent Happenings

As I sit here completely exhausted, I thought it was time I posted since it's  been a while.
First of all, I am so very grateful that Aaron is employed again. While the fact that his training has been in Buffalo, NY has been trying, I'm still so thankful. We miss him terribly, but he'll be back this weekend even if it is just Saturday. :0) We'll soak up all the time we have!
It's still so amazing to me how God has provided for us throughout this whole time. Aaron has yet to get a paycheck, but money has been coming in from here and there..cash, checks. I'm in awe of God's provision. He is so faithful.
There was a short period of time where I started questioning where God had placed me and where he was using me a couple of weeks ago. Right when I was literally about to throw in the towel, He showed me that was exactly where he wanted me. Things have been so much better since, and there is no other explanation BUT God.
Easter Sunday was amazing...as it always is. I had the privilege of taking a sweet little girl to church with me. It was so fun getting her ready, and Dex loved having his little girlfriend with us for the weekend. :0) We enjoyed the fun for the kiddos. The sweetest moment I shared with the little ones was when they were both chatting about how Jesus died on the cross and then came back to life on Easter. I love that their chatter was not about bunnies, but about the true reason we celebrate Easter, AKA Resurrection Sunday.

Worship was so very sweet and I couldn't stop the tears as we sang, "He became sin who knew no sin, that we might become His righteousness. He humbled Himself and carried the cross. Love so AMAZING. Jesus Messiah, name above all names, blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel. The rescue for sinners, the ransom from Heaven, Jesus Messiah..Lord of all." I felt so overwhelmed with His love, and if you've never felt it, you're missing out.

One really cool thing that happened as I was keeping my friends sweet little girl was she was running a fever one morning...102.4. As I was in the shower, I prayed that her fever would go down. When I checked it after I got out of the shower it had already gone down to 99.4..low grade. There is still power in prayer, folks. She was ready to play, but of course, like a good mommy/caregiver, I made her take it easy...just in case. :)
Well I'm sure I could ramble on and on, but after my steroid shot, (which I had hoped would give me energy,) I am exhausted. I believe I will be turning in early again tonight.