It's Time

This week it seems as if the world is going crazy. There is more violence, more hatred, more division than I have ever seen in my 34 years of life. In the midst of my fear, all I can feel is "it's time."

Time for what you ask? 

I can't speak for anyone else, but it's time for me to humble myself and repent for not loving the way I should. I haven't loved people the way I should, and I definitely haven't loved God above all. My heart is grieved and broken, I'm disappointed that I've let life steal my joy. I've let circumstances control me. I've let the trials of life steal my focus. I've let myself get discouraged, which has taken me away from the work I'm called to do. I'm called to love. I'm called to use my circumstances as a testimony to encourage someone struggling as well. I'm supposed to love people to Jesus.

It's also time for the church to tear down the religious walls dividing us all. If we can't stand as a united body, there truly is NO HOPE for this lost and dying world. We carry the hope within us. We have the answer to all of the hurt and pain. We know the healer and the comforter. We know the mender of broken hearts and the One who provides the peace that passes all understanding. It is time we share Him with our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and family. 

It's time to pray. PRAY like we've never prayed before. Prayer changes things. I've seen it. 

It's time. It's time. IT'S TIME!!! It's not going to be easy, but in our weakness, He is strong.

No more playing church. It's time to BE the church. 

The song that has been on my heart today is "Hosanna." This is my heart's cry:

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your kingdoms cause as I walk from Earth into eternity.

2 Chronicles 7:14

if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

John 16:33

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

Why Do I Worship

I think we all know the verse above. We were made to worship and praise the Lord. I'm not sure why, but lately I've started to think about why I worship. I think present changes and direction have really made me start questioning why I do what I do and why worship has always been a passion of mine. 

At night after my devotions, I began pondering this question: Why do I Worship? You see the question isn't why anyone else does. I need to explore the answer for me. I've never understood why getting people to worship is like pulling teeth. I have always questioned this, because I know God has done so much for all of us. Honestly the cross itself is enough to praise him for all the days of our lives.

While examining my heart, I came up with a ton of reasons that I worship Jesus, the Lover of my soul. 

Let's start with the lyrics of this song, "He's taken me from the miry clay." I can't count how many times I've been rescued by my Savior. He pulled me out of the mess of my bad decisions. He loved me when I was unlovable. He died for me knowing all the mistakes I would make and would continue to make.

He's healed me countless times. Instead of having a 3rd brain surgery, I was healed and the doctor cancelled the surgery. I was healed/delivered from bulimia, a deep dark path I never thought I would break free of. He's healed my broken heart more times than I can count.

He gives me peace in the midst of every storm of life. "There is peace in the time of trouble. There is peace in the midst of the storm. There is peace though the world be raging, in the shelter of His arms." There is nothing that compares to the His peace. It has enveloped me so many times when I felt I could not go on.

I could go on and on. I praise Him for keeping me and my family safe, that we're all healthy, we have what we need but also many things that we want. God has blessed  me far beyond what I deserve. I praise Him mostly because He loves me. He loves me in spite of me. He doesn't care about the many flaws I drive myself insane about. He loves me from my freckled face to my weird toes. 

Let's face it, I don't worship Him for what He can give, but I worship Him because He deserves my highest praise. I am often, well actually always moved to tears when I worship. His love is truly overwhelming. The beautiful thing about Jesus is He loves to bless His children. I often realize my headache or aches and pains disappear while I'm in His presence.

If we all truly grasped the message of the cross, and the fact that He Loves US SO very much, worship at church would truly be a joyous time, a life changing time. It wouldn't just be at church either, it would bleed into our everyday lives, and boy how we could change this lost and dying world. I worship Jesus because I love Him so much, and I want my life to exude that love, so others will see Him in me.

ADD Blog... :-)

Life is full of highs and lows. One minute things are wonderful and the next, not so wonderful. I've been teetering between the best and not so good times. Through it all though, God is good!

I've continued my read through the Bible plan and I've read Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and Matthew. It's been so fun to read, learn and actually understand. My friend's and I are still making it through our Bible study.

While I'm loving it, I've been doing the worst job of saving it for the last possible second. My goal is start making my bible study time a priority and letting everything else fall into place. When God is first everything does seem to fall into place.

Our pastor has been preaching hard about loving God with all our heart, soul mind and strength. ALL of us! It's been incredible and eye opening.

I've also started reading The Blessed Life by pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church. It's been such a great book about tithe and offering and the impact it can make in our lives as Christians. It's opened my eyes in ways I never thought. We go through life believing what we're told and never really digging deep to find answers for ourselves. Lazy Christianity, I guess or maybe we just aren't familiar enough with our 'sword.' There is power in the word and it's so important that we don't know what the pastor says, but what God says in His word.

Now onto the not so good. I haven't been feeling well for a while. I'm pretty sure I had a double ear infection, and  honestly the pain hasn't completely gone away. I've been having sharp pains in my stomach, and have just felt like crap....nauseous, snotty, you name it. I've finally decided to do the thing I hate to do...go to the doctor. I'm hoping they'll do blood work at my request and hopefully figure out why I lack energy and feel like poo all the time. On the bright side, I'm finally to the point where I really want to explore the natural remedies found in essential oils. I have a couple of friends who are doing oil classes and I'm going to spend the time to learn and hopefully help me and my family.

Through the good times and bad, God is always by my side. My relationship with Him is growing and I'm absolutely loving it. While there are some friendships in my life I question, God has blessed me with some lifetime friends that I can count no matter what the situation. 

God has also done an amazing work in Aaron. He was never 'bad', but it is so wonderful to have a husband who prays for me. What seems small to some is something I've desperately wanted the ALMOST 9 years we've been married. It's crazy how much relationships change over the years and how you can truly fall more in love with each year that passes.

The one thing that always holds true is that no matter what life throws your way is to P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. Seek God, and spend time with Him. He might not remove the storm, but He'll be right beside you until it passes and everyday after. :-)

Psalms 3:3-5 But You, O Lord are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill. I lay down and slept; I awoke for the Lord sustained me.

A Legacy of Light

I actually have a lot to say. It seems like it's been forever since I've had a quiet moment to myself to write. So much has been going on that I don't even know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with a status I posted a while back on Facebook:This past week has started making me think about what my legacy. What do people say about me? Have I helped everyone I could? Does Christ's love shine through me? If not, that needs to change. We are the light afterall to this dark world. I hope I am doing my part to bring hope and love. It's kind of silly what prompted my thought that day, but here goes. A well known DJ, named Kidd Kraddick passed away almost 3 weeks ago. It was amazing to me how people all around the world were calling in and talking about all this stuff he did for others behind the scenes, and then of course the work he did through his charity Kidd's Kids. That had me thinking, what is my legacy? Am I truly doing everything within my power to help others? Am I a true friend? Do people see Christ's love in me? Do I bring light to this dark and dying world? My husband responded and said that our legacy will be through our boys. Of course that's true, but why should it be limited to that? I work and interact with so many people throughout the day. It's sounds so cliche, but do they see Jesus in me?
I truly want people to walk away from me knowing that I'm different. I want to live in such a way that everyone wonders what's the joy that radiates off of her?
Nothing brings me more joy than leading worship at church. It has nothing to do with the fact that there's a microphone in my hand. It's the fact that God's presence transforms. His presence renews my strength, gives me peace, fills me with joy. Honestly if I could walk around singing out loud all day, I would be a lot happier. Unfortunately that's frowned upon at work. ;-) So I just have to settle with a song in my heart. (SUPER CHEESEY, I know.)

I guess the main point of what's been on my mind is we've found the truth. Jesus has filled us with His peace and He's given us Hope and Love. Why would we not want to share that with our friends, coworkers...even the people we're not all that fond of? Honestly those are the people that need Jesus the most. Well I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for another day! :-)

Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Tragedy Around the Corner

This week has been so emotional. It's always so terrible to hear of tragedies, but it's a completely different reality when it's around the corner from your house. I'm not going to get into any details, because they don't matter, and I'd rather not repeat them. I wish I didn't know, honestly.
The fact of the matter is, I HATE that this happened. I HATE that I can't drive through my neighborhood without crying. All the purple ribbons are amazing, but it's a reminder at every corner of the tragedy that rocked our community. The curbside memorial is so very sweet, but every time I drive passed it the tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
It's the worst talking to your 13 year old and having to tell him what happened, how that monster is still on the loose. I tell him we just have to know that God is walking with us and protecting us, but at the same time there's no way to explain WHY this happened to THIS child. I told him we live in a country that is turning it's back more and more from God, and we just have to pray that people turn back to Him. We pray, that's all we can do. I also explain that unfortunately there are just some things that we'll never understand in this life.
I can't explain the dilemma that goes through my head about walking through our neighborhood. Dex and I were starting to really enjoy our walks. I know we're not supposed to live in fear, but at the same time, I don't want to put mine or my child's life in danger. It's just sucks...I know that's a terrible word, but what else can I say? 

The night this tragedy happened, my devotion was Psalms 23. I love how God is right on time. Psalms 23:4 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

I have been playing 2 songs over and over in my car since this happened, and I realize I have posted these before. The first song is "In Better Hands" and the second, "Our Hope Endures," both by Natalie Grant. "In Better Hands" says, "There's no fear when the night comes around. I'm in better hands now. It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pourin' down. It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground. So take this heart of mine There's no doubt I'm in better hands now."

"Our Hope Endures" says, "Emanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient. We never walk alone and this is our hope. Our hope endures."

I'm so grateful for the hope and peace I have in Jesus. I can't lie and say I don't feel uneasy, sick, angry, and devastated, but I know He feels it too, and He will walk all of us through this if we just lean on Him.

Psalms...Just Can't Get Enough

I know I have blogged about my love for the Psalms before, but I just can't get enough.
This past week, I was having some issues sleeping. I can't really explain how I felt besides my throat was tight and it felt like there was a lump it. This caused anxiety or the anxiety caused this...who really knows? After praying for God to help me calm down so I could sleep, I began reading the Psalms. Chapter after chapter I felt the oncoming panic attack subside, and peace overwhelmed me.
After reading the following verses, it was impossible not to feel better.
Psalms 3:3-5 But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. I lay down and slept;I awoke, for the Lord sustained me.
Psalms 4:8 I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalms 5:11-12  Let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.
It's kind of crazy, because I had already read through the Psalms once, but I feel as if I will be reading through them again. Something about the words in these particular chapters are medicine for my soul. I'm honestly not real sure what brings on these anxiety attacks, but I'm so grateful I have the tools to stop them..prayer and Psalms. Continuing to pray that these episodes disappear completely.

He Loves

So today was Father's Day and church is normally cancelled Sunday evening. It wasn't tonight. I was okay with it, besides the migraine that just seemed to progress as the day did. I really wanted to just stay at home in a dark room until sleep came.
I decided to go ahead and go. Thank God I did!! :-) You see for the 3 songs that we did during worship my migraine disappeared. That's not even the best part though. God just wrapped His loving presence around me. All I could do was weep singing "How He Loves." The words are so simple "He loves us. Oh how He Loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves." You see, if you really think about those words you are singing, it's impossible not to be moved.
God LOVES us SO very much. It's truly overwhelming and WONDERFUL to know that. He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and yet He loved me enough to die. That's why I sing "Jesus Lover of my soul. Jesus I will never let you go. You've taken me from the miry clay, set my feet upon the rock and now I know..I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU..Though my world may fall, I'll NEVER let You go. My Savior, my closest friend...I will worship You until the very end."
I'm so grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father. He LOVES..DEEPLY loves, TRULY loves. We're in a world full of desperate and hurting people. It's so important that THEY know the love, hope, joy and peace that's awaiting for them if they just believe. God's love is certainly not a love that we should just keep in our churches or to ourselves. We're called to be the hands and feet of God and that means reaching His broken and lost children. Through Him there is HOPE, and if you look around, hope, is exactly what this world needs.

Unchangeable, Unshakeable, Unstoppable..You Are

Some days are so much harder than other days, and sometimes being hopeful and having faith is so draining. It's even harder when you feel like you're carrying the hope all alone and no one seems to believe with you.
This morning during worship we did the song "You Are God Alone." Before we even started singing it, one particular part in the song started to resonate within me. "You're unchangeable, You're unshakeable, You're unstoppable. That's what You are." You see, no matter what's going on around us, how unstable, constantly changing and shaking, God is CONSTANT. He doesn't change and He never stops fighting for us or picking us up when we fall. He won't leave us in the valley forever, and He definitely won't make us walk through it alone.
So on days when on top of Aaron's unemployment, my migraine's are uncontrollable, our garbage disposal stops working, our dryer goes out, Brett gets sick, and I'm miserable at my job...I remember the one constant in my life...Jesus!
My devotion just yesterday talked about how looking back to the past can remind us of God's goodness and give us hope for the future. I know for me it reminds of where I've been and what God has brought me through. My God is able, and He's definitely greater than any circumstance I'm facing right now. I choose to continue to trust Him. He hasn't failed me and I know He is the One that never will.