Random Ramblings

Things have been so crazy lately, it's been hard to just sit and put my thoughts together.
I am now 24 weeks pregnant, counting down the next 16 weeks. The sickness has mostly subsided, but I still vomit from time to time and feel nauseous most evenings. Still a step up from how I was feeling, so I am BEYOND grateful.
We've sold our pool table which was a HUGE blessing and have started the rearranging to make room for baby girl. Speaking of our little princess, she is already so loved. I've been given so many things for her that I'm finding it hard to figure out where to put it all. Let's just say, she will not lack a wardrobe. AHHHHHH...so excited to have a baby girl to dress.
So what am I struggling with these days...weight gain. Before you all roll your eyes and wonder what in the world is wrong with me when pregnancy is such a blessing..let me explain. First of all, let me say I am over the moon with excitement for Baby E. I'm grateful to have another opportunity to literally have life growing inside of me. My struggle with my changing shape stems from my old enemy bulimia. Most of you already know this about me. I'm trying so hard to focus on the fact that pregnancy is beautiful, and believe me, it is on other people. ;-) There's just something in my head that makes me so sad that the numbers on the scale continue to go up. To anyone worried, baby girl is healthy and I am taking care of myself and her. It's just the internal struggle I deal with every day. It's a constant battle of just enjoying the life growing inside me and worrying about how quickly the weight will come off when I meet my precious daughter. So if I had any prayer, it would be that I would just sit back and enjoy the ride.
I have another sonogram tomorrow to make sure baby girl is growing as she should be. Judging from the bump, I'm confident everything will be fine.
One funny thing that Dex has been doing lately is talking to my belly. He basically yells into my belly button which is hilarious. He also informed me that when I get fat, he gets fat, Brett gets fat and Aaron gets fat, We'll be a fat family. He was very enthusiastic about us being a fat family. Oh to know the inner workings of that 5 year old brain.
Tonight as I was leading worship, Baby E really started moving. Perfect timing for this mommy. Love to feel her little flips, kicks and punches.
I think that's all for now. I was a bit all over the place, but I can always blame that on pregnancy brain!

The Neverending Weight Battle

I know the title made several people roll their eyes..especially coming from me. If you understand and know my past though, you'll definitely understand the title.
I've posted on here about my battle with bulimia. I was bulimic for years, but can say with complete honesty that I haven't ventured down that slippery slop in at least 10 years. While that is a huge accomplishment, sadly those thoughts never go away..at least not up to this point.
Probably within the past few months I've put on about 5 lbs. Yes I understand that's not a lot, but it's SUPER depressing when your jeans are snug and your shirts don't fit quite they way they used to. I am proud to say that I am heading down the right path to shed these extra LBs...diet and exercise. I've actually started doing the one thing I've hated my whole life...RUNNING!! That got a huge HOORAY from a few of my crazy runner friends. ;-)
The thing is when you've had a bulimic past, it's so very hard to ever view yourself as 'skinny.' Even when I was 5lbs lighter, most days I still didn't see the skinny person every one else saw and still sees. It's a sad truth, but it is what it is.
I don't want this blog post to be a huge downer, so here's what I do when I struggle. I remember the verse that got me through those dark days so long ago, "I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139:14 You see, God loves me with or without the extra LBs. He doesn't measure his love by how much the scale says or how tight my pants are. He made me just the way I am.
This takes me back to something I heard at Women of Faith, "God can use your past to give someone a future." Yes it absolutely stinks that I was ever bulimic, but I am an overcomer. I'm proof that there's hope for anyone who struggles with these thoughts or actions.
I have to remember that no matter how skinny I am, I am beautiful. We're all beautiful..created in the image of our Maker.