Overcome

It's been forever since I've taken the time to write. I've thought about it, but it's been impossible to be alone with my thoughts.
Last time  I wrote Elyse Harley was a mere week old. Well she is now a chunker and almost 5 months old. I LOVE her and feel so grateful that God entrusted me to be her mommy. The boys are thriving so far this school year, but it's so hard to believe we have a baby, 1st grader and a sophomore.
How do I even begin to write about the past 5 months? I've been the happiest, most anxious, more fearful, most frustrated I've been in a very long time. I am literally all over the place these days. Trying to find the balance and keep my sanity has been extremely hard. Being proactive, but also having faith is a difficult balance to find.
It's so funny because last Sunday at church our friend Aaron led the song Overcome. Since then, I've found myself singing this song while going through everyday tasks. After struggling between anxiety and fear for months now, the words struck a chord inside me.

All authority, every victory is Yours. 

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame. 

Jesus, awesome in power forever, Awesome and great is Your name, You Overcame. 

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, Everyone overcome.

I think what I love about this song is that through Him, we ARE overcomers as well. My victory is in Him. My hope, my peace, my faith, my trust, my strength is in Him. Every victory: overcoming bulimia, heartbreak, illness, it's all His. None of these things would have been possible without the love and guidance of my Heavenly Father. He loved me enough to walk through every trial with me. His word gave me victory. Songs He brought to life in the hearts of others helped me through. One of my many life verses is Psalm 139:14 "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."  

I've been receiving little reminders daily through His word that He's got this. Whatever IT is, He'll get me through. I'm so thankful for friends who encourage and a church that truly loves me. I am truly surrounded by the best people. I'll leave you with some of the verses that have pulled me back from the ledge of anxiety and fear:

John 16:33 "These thing I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I HAVE OVERCOME the world."

Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my salvation, I will TRUST and NOT be afraid;The Lord is my STRENGTH and song;He also has become my salvation."

Psalm 4:8 "I will both lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 5:11-12 "But may all those who seek refuge in You rejoice; May they ever shout for joy, because You defend them;May those who love Your name be joyful in You. For You, Lord, will bless the righteous; You surround him with favor like a shield."

Lastly here's a quote that also made me smile this week, "The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us."

Life with Elyse Harley

As of April 22, 2015, at 8:09 AM, a beautiful baby girl was born named Elyse Harley. She was 7lbs 15 ounces and 21 inches of perfection.

Those of you who know me, know that I never expected to have a baby girl or another baby for that matter. I feel truly blessed to have experienced pregnancy and motherhood to another precious kiddo. It still blows my mind every time I look at her sweet little face. 

Having a girl has made me re-examine a lot of things. It's mostly the way I talk about myself. I really don't want to instill negative self image to my daughter. I know it's not a good idea to call yourself fat or anything in front of your kiddos at all. However, being someone who battled and overcame bulimia, I don't want to be the reason my daughter looks at herself any other way than "fearfully and wonderfully made." This will be good for me too.  Because the more I instill a positive self image to her, the more I'll start to believe myself as beautiful as well. 

So life with a newborn is challenging but I'm loving every minute. As much as I want to get things done around the house, I've enjoyed napping at random times throughout the day instead. I want to enjoy all the cuddles I can while she's extra snuggly.

I'm exhausted and I'm pretty sure I have bags under my eyes. I am not happy about the number on the scale or how my clothes fit. However, I am thankful for the beautiful little girl I was blessed with. She makes it all worth it and I refuse to let myself focus on my body when it just created such a beautiful perfect little person. 

When I Break Something, I Break it Good

Most of you know that I broke my hand falling last Thursday. It's been painful and quite hard learning how to wash and dry my hair with one hand among other things you just take for granted. Of course when I break a bone it's going to be in my dominant hand.
I went to the orthopedic surgeon today, and he seems to think surgery is the best option for my finger healing properly. There's another procedure they can do, but there's no guarantee that I'll have full function or that it will heal properly.
Needless to say this news was a shock considering I anticipated them just splinting it and calling it a day. I cried all the way into work. No one likes surgery, but especially not when they're 29 weeks pregnant.
My OB has approved the surgery and as of right now it is scheduled for Thursday. We are going for a 2nd opinion tomorrow morning. I'm not sure what outcome I'm hoping for though. If he agrees with the other doctor, it'll be an easy decision. However, if he doesn't, who's opinion do I trust more?
Please pray for wisdom. I really don't want to risk hurting baby E. She's definitely more important to me than a crooked pinky. I will have to be put under for the surgery and that makes me super nervous.
Thank for your prayers! I'll update as soon as we've made our final decision.

Random Ramblings

Things have been so crazy lately, it's been hard to just sit and put my thoughts together.
I am now 24 weeks pregnant, counting down the next 16 weeks. The sickness has mostly subsided, but I still vomit from time to time and feel nauseous most evenings. Still a step up from how I was feeling, so I am BEYOND grateful.
We've sold our pool table which was a HUGE blessing and have started the rearranging to make room for baby girl. Speaking of our little princess, she is already so loved. I've been given so many things for her that I'm finding it hard to figure out where to put it all. Let's just say, she will not lack a wardrobe. AHHHHHH...so excited to have a baby girl to dress.
So what am I struggling with these days...weight gain. Before you all roll your eyes and wonder what in the world is wrong with me when pregnancy is such a blessing..let me explain. First of all, let me say I am over the moon with excitement for Baby E. I'm grateful to have another opportunity to literally have life growing inside of me. My struggle with my changing shape stems from my old enemy bulimia. Most of you already know this about me. I'm trying so hard to focus on the fact that pregnancy is beautiful, and believe me, it is on other people. ;-) There's just something in my head that makes me so sad that the numbers on the scale continue to go up. To anyone worried, baby girl is healthy and I am taking care of myself and her. It's just the internal struggle I deal with every day. It's a constant battle of just enjoying the life growing inside me and worrying about how quickly the weight will come off when I meet my precious daughter. So if I had any prayer, it would be that I would just sit back and enjoy the ride.
I have another sonogram tomorrow to make sure baby girl is growing as she should be. Judging from the bump, I'm confident everything will be fine.
One funny thing that Dex has been doing lately is talking to my belly. He basically yells into my belly button which is hilarious. He also informed me that when I get fat, he gets fat, Brett gets fat and Aaron gets fat, We'll be a fat family. He was very enthusiastic about us being a fat family. Oh to know the inner workings of that 5 year old brain.
Tonight as I was leading worship, Baby E really started moving. Perfect timing for this mommy. Love to feel her little flips, kicks and punches.
I think that's all for now. I was a bit all over the place, but I can always blame that on pregnancy brain!