Why Do I Worship

I think we all know the verse above. We were made to worship and praise the Lord. I'm not sure why, but lately I've started to think about why I worship. I think present changes and direction have really made me start questioning why I do what I do and why worship has always been a passion of mine. 

At night after my devotions, I began pondering this question: Why do I Worship? You see the question isn't why anyone else does. I need to explore the answer for me. I've never understood why getting people to worship is like pulling teeth. I have always questioned this, because I know God has done so much for all of us. Honestly the cross itself is enough to praise him for all the days of our lives.

While examining my heart, I came up with a ton of reasons that I worship Jesus, the Lover of my soul. 

Let's start with the lyrics of this song, "He's taken me from the miry clay." I can't count how many times I've been rescued by my Savior. He pulled me out of the mess of my bad decisions. He loved me when I was unlovable. He died for me knowing all the mistakes I would make and would continue to make.

He's healed me countless times. Instead of having a 3rd brain surgery, I was healed and the doctor cancelled the surgery. I was healed/delivered from bulimia, a deep dark path I never thought I would break free of. He's healed my broken heart more times than I can count.

He gives me peace in the midst of every storm of life. "There is peace in the time of trouble. There is peace in the midst of the storm. There is peace though the world be raging, in the shelter of His arms." There is nothing that compares to the His peace. It has enveloped me so many times when I felt I could not go on.

I could go on and on. I praise Him for keeping me and my family safe, that we're all healthy, we have what we need but also many things that we want. God has blessed  me far beyond what I deserve. I praise Him mostly because He loves me. He loves me in spite of me. He doesn't care about the many flaws I drive myself insane about. He loves me from my freckled face to my weird toes. 

Let's face it, I don't worship Him for what He can give, but I worship Him because He deserves my highest praise. I am often, well actually always moved to tears when I worship. His love is truly overwhelming. The beautiful thing about Jesus is He loves to bless His children. I often realize my headache or aches and pains disappear while I'm in His presence.

If we all truly grasped the message of the cross, and the fact that He Loves US SO very much, worship at church would truly be a joyous time, a life changing time. It wouldn't just be at church either, it would bleed into our everyday lives, and boy how we could change this lost and dying world. I worship Jesus because I love Him so much, and I want my life to exude that love, so others will see Him in me.

Am I qualified?

So have you ever felt like maybe you're just not cut out to do something? You've given it your whole heart, but maybe your whole heart isn't enough? That's kind of where I'm at right now.
I'm trying so hard to decipher if it's me feeling like something is too hard or if I'm better in the background. After all, a leader doesn't have to be out in front speaking out and giving instructions. Sometimes you are leading just as much by being quiet and just walking the walk.
The fact of the matter is it's hard for me to picture myself as a leader. That's my dilemma though. I'M my worst enemy. I keep going back to what I heard back at women of faith, "YOU are more than you know." Could this message apply to me right now? Is it fear that's making me second guess that I'm right where I need to be? Am I being asked to step way too far out of my comfort zone?
I've grown so much..through bible study, leading worship, and even an additional book I'm reading has given me so much insight. Is this another part of growing pains that I've yet to experience?
I know God's plans for us far exceed anything we would ever think ourselves worthy or strong enough for. With that, I guess I continue to seek, worship, and love on Him, and I'm sure the answer to all these doubts and fears are right in front of me. Worship is a part of my day to day life. I AM a worshiper. It's in my heart and soul and there's nothing more I'd rather do all day everyday. Is that ALL it takes to do and be all I can be for Him? Are those all the qualifications I need....a heart that hungers and thirsts for His presence?

Sometimes You Get a Concussion

So the past week has been difficult. It  doesn't help when you give yourself a minor concussion. The nausea, dizziness, and headaches have been zero fun. 
To be honest though, I'm just in a really odd faze in life right now. I honestly have nothing to complain about, so don't think this is going to be one of those posts. I think I'm just at a point where I want more. I posted a Facebook status about one sided friendships not that long ago, and I've talked to several of my close friends about my issues. The thing I've realized is maybe I expect too much from people. Perhaps I am just built to check in with the people I care about periodically and try and make time for coffee dates and such. Maybe that's not normal. It's just very bazaar to me. I'm not expecting anything crazy. After all most of my friends have husbands and families of their own. I guess my thing is I've always wanted there to be an effort to check in and see what's going on in my life..how I'm doing from time to time. I treasure the people I have in my life that I can go months without seeing, but when we get together we just pick right up where we left off. Those friendships are my FAVORITE.
There are so many situations that have really been weighing on my heart lately. They mostly have to do with situations I'll never understand this side of Heaven. I just hate it when people hurt. I hate it even more that I can't help or take that hurt away. I just wish so much that the 'whys' of life could be answered, but again I know that's just not the way it works. Who knows, maybe even if we knew, we couldn't understand.
One song that's been ministering to me a lot lately is "Forever." It's on Kari Jobe's newest album. I've honestly been listening to it over and over and just crying.  "One final breath he gave as Heaven looked away. The Son of God was laid in darkness. A battle in the grave, the war on death was waged, the power of Hell forever broken. The ground began to shake. The stone was rolled away. His perfect love could not be overcome.Now death where is your sting? Our resurrected King has rendered you DEFEATED!"  I'm so thankful that while death hurts so much, Jesus did defeat it forever when he shed his blood and gave His life for us all. Such great love that I'm forever and ever grateful for.
I guess the point of all this is sometimes life hurts, a lot of times it's so very hard. Sometimes you give yourself a concussion and it seems life will never be normal again without the dizziness and blurred vision. The truth is though that life is beautiful. God loves us, all of us. He wants to bless His children.  In our hardest times he bandages our wounds and carries us through the times we think we'll never overcome. After all greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4 We can and will overcome through Christ. 
I'm not even sure this made any sense. I'll blame my concussion. ;-)