Heart of Worship

So this blog is for and about me..a little glance into the struggles of Christi Blain. =0)
I have taken on a new role at my church that is quite intimidating. To some it may sound silly, but it truly has been overwhelming. This past Sunday I was asked to lead a few worship songs for the evening service going forward. I have always been part of a team, but I have never been part of the planning of the songs. This is all new territory for me. I have recruited several of my friends for their weekly set lists, so I will have a sort of road map to go by. Don't get me wrong, I know that God lays particular songs on your heart, but my issue thus far is just trying to figure out what songs flow once I have that one song I know for sure I want to use. The box of music I received, while exciting, threw me for quite a loop. What key do I need this in? How are there SO many songs to choose from? Again I love it so much, because worship music is primarily what I listen to!!
So how did the first Sunday go, you ask? Umm...I'd say it was okay. It was totally unplugged..aka no microphone, just my voice and my dad's guitar! What did I struggle with the most? It's actually the thing I hate the most about myself. During worship,unless I allow myself to totally focus on God, (which I should EVERY TIME) I don't know what to do with myself, and I am constantly worried what people will think. Did I lift my hands too long...was it not long enough..should I make eye contact...have my eyes been closed for too long? Yes, I have an inner conflict and it irritates me so much about me.
Why on Earth would I care so much about what anyone would think? Why is it so hard for me to just let go and be free in my worship of Him. He deserves my all, and I should have no problem giving it to Him, since He gave His ALL for me. I have been praying so hard that God will help me let go of all my inhibitions when it comes to worshiping Him....not only that, but in serving Him too. What better way to truly lead people into His presence than to have that joy and hope reflecting off me as I sing. I don't want people to see me. I truly want them to see and feel Him while I sing. It's not a performance or a concert....it's a chance to worship at the feet of Jesus.
Here's why this is so important to me and why it always has been. Music has always carried me through some of the most difficult times in my life. When I had the two surgeries for the fluid on my brain-"His Strength is Perfect" by Steven Curtis Chapman. The heartbreak from a terrible breakup-"All I Need"Enter the Worship 2nd Circle..the list goes on and on!! When something is going on in my life, my mind immediately goes to song lyrics, which lead to scripture verses. That may seem backwards to most, but I live and breathe music. It's so hard to explain unless you're the same way. I guess that's why it is so important that I'm truly giving my all when I sing for God. I'm not just singing words...a lot of times they are truly the cries of my heart!!
This probably makes absolutely no sense to anyone but me, and that okay! It feels good to put the thoughts running through my mind in writing...kind of therapeutic for me! ;0) If you've read this whole thing, thank you! All I can ask is that you be in prayer for me..for all of us..that we're truly giving 110% to God. He deserves it more than any other! I leave you with this song that seems to tie this all together!

Tuesday Tunes-How He Loves

I have always loved this song! I believe the first time I heard it was when my friend Jessica introduced me to it probably over a year ago. This version of the song is my absolute favorite! Kim Walker is an amazing worship leader. I had the honor of leading worship at church on Sunday night with my dad on the guitar and this is one of the songs we did. It's such a powerful song. I think while the chorus is simple, when you truly think about the words "He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how he loves us all!" God loves us so much, and how amazing to be reminded of that through this song!

Potty Update

So, all you mom's out there know how wonderful it is to have a potty trained toddler. I can't say he's 100% since I haven't put him in underwear for the night, but I'm pretty confident in saying we're about 95% potty trained! =0) We've ventured out of the house successfully for long periods of time and there have been no messes to clean up. He seems to be a pro!! We're about 2 weeks in, and I'm thrilled!! I'm pretty sure we will have some diapers and pull-ups to give away soon!! Mommy just has to trust Dex to keep his undies dry all night! Perhaps that will be my goal for the weekend! ;0)
As sad as these pics are, he has such a sweet face, I had to share. We've had some poopy issues, but he does always go on the potty..it's just not always easy! I'm happy to report that we officially have things running smoothly now though!!So hopefully no more sad potty pics!!

And one to prove that I don't torture my kiddo and that he is actually still the happy boy you all know and love!! =0) See I have TWO happy kids! ;0)

Until tomorrow!!I have a song I absolutely love that I'll be posting!!

New Year Brings Change and Reflection

So I have found myself this past week being incredibly overwhelmed with the changes. A new church home is tough enough, but then when you add in Aaron's job where he is gone 4 days and home for 3...it's been a bit overwhelming to say the least. I have been incredibly exhausted this week due to lack of sleep, and I am anxiously awaiting his return tonight. I'm sure I will sleep like a baby!! =0) It's been a tough couple of weeks adjusting, and I have found myself overwhelmed to tears quite a bit.
Let's just say over the past couple of days, I've been snapped out of it. I am so very grateful for the amazing opportunites that God has brought into our lives. This new job is a God send for sure..it's just taking some getting used to. Not to mention he won't always be working in San Antonio...only another 9 weeks of this particular assignment! ;0)
The first Sunday at our new church was truly a blessing. It's just completely different from the environment we had all grown so comfortable with. This is not a bad thing at all, just different. It's going to take some getting used to for sure. This Sunday Aaron told me that Brother Anger,(yes his last name is Anger,) plans on talking to me, so I'm super stoked about upcoming opportunities to become SUPER involved!! I was a little teary eyed this Sunday, but as soon as I got up and started singing, the tears were replaced with joy and peace. :0)
So you may or may not be wondering what snapped me out of my little funk. Two stories in particular that I have been following rather closely on Facebook and CaringBridge have really been getting to me the past couple of weeks. One is the story of Lauren Scruggs and her family. Reading their updates has truly been an encouragement and an eye opener to how truly blessed I am. To hear the amount positive, encouraging words from someone who's life has been turned upside down makes you realize, (or at least me,) that I have no reason to complain at all. Here's her site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurenscruggs
The other is of a sweet 12 year old girl named Jessica Rees. She turned her battle with brain tumors into an opportunity to encourage and spread joy to other children battling cancer. It's just so amazing how someone so young has turned something so devastating into an amazing opportunity to spread hope and joy to other children suffering. Sadly she lost her battle with cancer yesterday, but her legacy will live on through her JoyJars and her N.E.G.U (Never Ever Give Up) organization. Such an amazing message of hope: http://www.thenegufoundation.org/joy/ and http://www.jessicajoyrees.com/.
I could go on, even about a person I actually know personally who has turned her tragedy to an amazing thing too, but the whole point of this blog is just to let you know that there is joy in times of sorrow. God can truly turn your ashes into beauty. You just have to let him. I will end with a few scriptures and a quote I love! Keep your head up folks!! God is good and He's always with us!
Phillipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
John 16:33 ³These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
"Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Tuesday Tunes-Save Me-Enter the Worship Circle

Hi everyone and Happy New Year!! This is such an awesome song, and just a really cool album!You should totally buy it if you don't have it!! http://www.entertheworshipcircle.com/  Enjoy!!! =0) Sorry, but it's short and sweet today!!

Ringing in the New Year with Change

I'm not going to lie. I normally do not set New Year's Resolutions. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with it. Typically they are just goals set that never get reached. That being said, there are some things I set out to do earlier this year that did ACTUALLY happen. Guitar was a huge goal of mine in 2011, and I am proud to say, (while I didn't start until this month,) I learned 3 Christmas songs. I proved to myself that I can do this, and I plan on improving and learning even more songs in 2012!!! Ultimate goal is to write accompaniment music to some of the poetry/songs I've written, but I'm far from being that good. ;-) This year I've also been so much better about getting in God's word, and I can say with 100% honesty that my prayer life has truly reached another level. So many people that I love have had a terrible 2011, and it made me realize how truly important and effective it is to call upon the name of the Lord.
So what do I want 2012 to look like...realistically? I want my relationship with God to continue to thrive. I want to be open to whatever He wants to use me for and I want to trust Him and not be afraid to step out and just do it! I'd also like to be even better about digging into the Word, not just reading it, but truly letting it soak in.
So what are these changes I'm talking about? Well, as you all know this Sunday will be the first Sunday at our new church. The reality of this hasn't completely soaked in. It's still hard thinking about not driving to TBT, but I am truly excited about the work God has for my family. I will be singing this Sunday, so we'll see how it goes! ;-) Aaron starts a new job next Tuesday!! What a HUGE blessing!! For those of you who know, he has been looking FOREVER!! This is an amazing opportunity and truly a step up from where he is now. Praise God for opening that door for us!! So there aren't a whole lot of changes coming for me, but I'm definitely thinking of finally going back to school, but we'll see! I'm kind of on 'change overload' right now!! =0)
Well I love you friends and appreciate all of you that actually read my weekly ramblings. I do pray that 2012 is an amazing year for all of us. I wanted to leave you with a cute little song I found about New Year's Eve.

Tuesday Tunes-There Will Be a Day-Jeremy Camp

I have heard this song several times, but for some reason last night it really got to me. In the midst of all the ugliness and sadness of this world, we have a hope. There will be a day when we see Jesus face to face and the hurts of this world will melt away. Oh how I long for the day of no more hurt, pain, tears and sadness. Until then, let's hold on to the hope that we have in Jesus. He will hold and carry us through this world when we feel we can't go on. He is all we need to make it through until the glorious day when we're finally home.