The Beauty of Migraine Meds

Let's just say I've been going through a rough patch. I'm just emotionally drained for many reasons, well if I'm being honest one very specific one in particular. I'm not going to get into details, but basically before I got on my migraine meds I was what people would consider a 'doormat.' I would never speak my mind and would let people talk me into doing certain things that I knew I didn't like or want for me or my family. Obviously we're not talking high school stuff like drugs or alcohol...just day to day decisions that come up. 

I've always believed everything happens for a reason and in this instance I am really beginning to see it. For a while I was calling my new outspoken self 'Mean Christi." I felt uncomfortable and sad that I was starting to voice certain things I never would have before and people were starting to notice that WOW I ACTUALLY have opinions. =0) Now I'm beginning to realize that this is a very positive thing. While it did take finding out about something very hurtful someone said about my family, I am starting to be vocal about feelings I've kept locked up for quite some time now, because I didn't want to 'rock the boat' or be mean.  While I am very excited about the prospect of getting off the meds at the beginning of July. I hope that I don't lose this spark that I have. Certain issues could have been resolved years ago had I not chose to keep my mouth shut. 

With all that being said, as hard as this past month or two has been on me, God has been revealing so much to me..little rays of hope in what seemed like utter darkness and hopelessness. 

A couple of Sundays ago, when I was picking out the worship set list each song was picked for a very specific reason: 

"It Is Well"- No matter what may be going on in this world and how ugly it is, I know "it is well with my soul." Even if it's never okay here...I know where I'll be in the end.

"Blessed Be Your Name"- "Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your Name." Just fit so perfectly with all that I'm going through.

"Desert Song"- "All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship." It's so very true. No matter what I'm going through, He is faithful and is worthy of all my praise.

"Your Name" "Your Name is a strong and mighty tower. Your name is shelter like no other...Nothing has the power to save, but your name." Time and time again He has shown me that He truly is my shelter from the storms of this life. and lastly...

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus"- My favorite line and why I picked it.."and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

That's what's so amazing about God, He gives us what we need when we need it. These songs ministered to me while I lead worship. I was able to share my heart, and that reaches people. Trials stink, I hate them! Who doesn't? Unfortunately they are a part of this evil and sinful world. In the end God gets the glory, and as   one of the songs we're singing this Sunday morning says, "And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us and if our God is with us then what can stand against?" Sometimes it may seem like we're all alone. Even if those that should be supporting us on this Earth aren't, our Heavenly Father is. That's truly more than enough to get us through any trial. 

I know this was REALLY long, but in conclusion after being hurt and discouraged this week, I remembered this verse. Love how God works!!

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will^[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

That deserves an AMEN and a Praise God!! =0)

God Is Still Here

Time is supposed to change things, but I'm still waiting.

Every day is a battle and it seems I'll never overcome. 

Beaten down and defeated, I desperately want to surrender.

There's an enemy at every corner feeding the flames that already burn uncontrollably.
I'm finding it harder and harder to see the light through the darkness of smoke and ash.
God is still here.
I feel Him leading me gently with the light of His love.
He's been listening all these years, giving me strength to endure, pushing me through the pain, frustration and helplessness.
Aware of every tear I've cried and how close I've come to breaking,
His gentle embrace always holds me together.

Catching up and What God has Shown Me

Alrighty folks, it's been a while. A lot has been going on, but I just haven't really had the time or really felt like 'writing' it down. First off..... Dex turned 3:

Brett turned 12 and we braved a sleep over and survived! =0)

I think that about covers the big events. Now onto what God has been revealing to me over the past month or so. I can honestly say I've been struggling quite a bit with a lot of different stuff. The details don't really matter. God knows and I have many close friends praying for me and who have kept me sane and smiling through this valley. It's just seems like I've been attacked from every side and it's been overwhelming to say the least. Here's my biggest dilemma though, which also leads to what God has revealed to me.
I have a huge problem with comparing my struggles with those of my friends, (trust me,so many of my friends are going through some incredibly trying times,) and when I do this I end up feeling like an idiot. Their pain is greater, their mountain taller, their struggle so much harder than anything I could ever imagine. Even typing this and thinking about their different individual circumstances brings tears to my eyes and makes my hills, not even mountains, seem so insignificant.
Here's what God has taught me though. He doesn't think my struggles are insignificant at all. If I'm hurting, He's hurting too. What's important to me is also important to Him. He longs for all His children to feel joy and happiness and peace. The beauty of it all is that God doesn't prioritize as I would. I'm not a saint, but I know there are so many that struggles far exceed mine. God can handle it all, you see? He doesn't have to tell me to go away and get over it because so-and-so needs Him more. He's big enough to carry us all. Coming to this realization made me cry tears of joy..as does typing it. I love that His arms are so big and so loving and that He cares for each one of us individually. You see I haven't been blogging, because I've really been focusing on letting God move in my life..move in my circumstances. Are things better?Yes and no, but I have a peace knowing that God will carry me through.

Weekend Wrap Up

So this weekend was crazy busy. Those of you who know me, know that I prefer a weekend filled with very little so my weekend doesn't fly by and I am left feeling exhausted. In spite of the hustle and bustle of this weekend, I am actually feeling quite refreshed and ready to face another week.
Friday was a lot of fun! We watched our friends renew their wedding vows on their 10 year wedding anniversary. It was very sweet! That was followed up by some yummy dinner at Mi Cocina, frozen yogurt and then we finished the evening with Touch and laundry at home. :)
Saturday I woke up and did a 5K for the 2nd annual Coleson's F.R.O.G! It's a great event that helps those that are dealing with pediatric cancer. I walked it this year, but my goal next year is to train and actually run/jog the whole thing. We shall see though. It was a beautiful day to be part of a great cause. It was honestly nice to workout for a change. I'm hoping I can get myself feeling better, so I can start making working out a part of my  daily/weekly routine.
Saturday evening was definitely the biggest thing I've ever been a part of. I considered it a great privilege and honor to lead worship at the Donnie Swaggert Crusade. My nerves started kicking in big time as the hours ticked by leading up to practice. The crazy thing about it is unlike most people, it wasn't because I was so in awe of Mr. Swaggert. He is just a person, just a man.  He's no better than you or me. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing pastor, but I think so often we put so much emphasis on man, when really it should all be about God. We think if we bring in a world renowned pastor in that God's going to move in a mighty way, but it doesn't take that. It takes us truly seeking His face. Sorry, trailed off a bit there, my nerves were the pressure of  leading hundreds of people in worship...something I had never done before and didn't really think I was capable of doing. I'm no Kari Jobe..honestly I will never be. Of course everything leading up to practice was a disaster, but once we actually got to the point of running through our music it just flowed. The band, the harmony, everything during the service was phenomenal. The best part about it is God gets all the glory. It was all about Him. He moved. His presence was there, and it had nothing to do with me at all. (As it should be.) The theme of the music even fit in with what Pastor Swaggert talked about. I love how God works. This morning we got to just sit and enjoy the crusade. Worship was amazing this morning. I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing..basking in God's love from me.
So as you can see, even though this weekend was full, God worked it out. I don't feel quite as frustrated as I have the past couple of weeks with just about everything. Thank you God for this weekend of refreshing.

Tuesday Tunes-Where I Belong- Building 429

I know I've been so bad about posting a song every Tuesday, but every time I hear this song, I want to post it. I always forget the name of it by the time Tuesday rolls around though. ;0) I finally remembered. All I can say is lately it seems like it has been one thing after another with my health and whatever other drama has decided to pop up, so I've been discouraged off and on quite a bit. I find the words of this song so encouraging. This isn't as good as it gets for me. Praise God this is NOT my home and is NOT where I belong. "All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong." Love this. If you're going through a rough time, I encourage you to remember the words to this song. If Jesus if your Savior, this is the worst for us. We have a heavenly home awaiting us. Praise God!!

Tuesday Tunes-Jesus Messiah

This is an amazing song and it was actually one of the songs we did for worship on Easter!! I really love this song!! Hope if you haven't heard it already, you'll take the time to listen!!

Easter

So tomorrow is Easter and each year I find myself more and more emotional. I truly am moved to tears when I think about the price Christ paid for me.  . Instead of dwelling on what I truly deserve and how different my life would be had He not paid with His precious blood, I choose to be so overwhelmed with joy and Thanksgiving. He truly loves me and He's alive!The grave could not hold Him!! I am looking forward to our Easter service at Crosspoint Church tomorrow! I'm excited about the worship songs, (not at all because I'm leading them) and I'm excited about the message our pastor will be bringing, but even more, I am excited about the visitors that will be coming in!! I'm praying that God will move in a mighty way and lives will be touched and changed.
On that note, here are 2 songs I absolutely love that bless my heart , one by Natalie Grant and one by Mandisa!
Happy Easter Everyone! Lets remember that it's not at all about new dresses, shoes, pretty bows, and Easter baskets! It's about a risen Savior who died to give us the greatest gift of all, His Salvation!