So of course all of you know by now after the millions (a mild overstatement) of tests they ran while I was in the hospital the verdict is migraines. Apparently it is not uncommon at all to have stroke like symptoms when you're suffering from migraines. So while this stinks, I am praising God that my broken shunt and the fluid cyst in my brain are not the issue. This =not another brain surgery for me which=my hair staying in tact. ;0) So the plan of attack appears to be a medicine that I will take for either a while or forever. I guess it really depends on what my neurologist thinks and how well it prevents future migraines. I am truly okay with this. Besides being dizzy off and on, it has ruined the taste of Diet Coke. This has been an addiction I've been trying to stop for a while, so I thank God for that. See, there's always silver lining, and the doctor did warn me this would happen. It didn't ruin my Starbuck's, so I'll survive! =0) Now the next step is just praying that as I increase my dosage the next few weeks, I will continue to be okay.
The past couple of months have been a struggle, and while I'm no doctor, I truly believe that stress was the 'trigger' for the migraines. Between Aaron's traveling, me being home alone, Aaron's surgery, Dexter and my staph, the complication from Aaron's surgery and him traveling any way, and issues Brett's been having at school, I think my body finally just cracked. I hadn't been sleeping well at all, and I can't tell you the last day at work where I haven't truly had to focus to keep my eyes open throughout the day. Through all this though, and especially today, I've felt a stirring deep inside me.
It's hard to explain, but I'll try. First of all, if you know me, you know this is in no way me bragging. That's truly not my personality. You'll understand that disclaimer as I continue. I have been leading worship at my church on Wednesday and Sunday nights for about 2 months now. After my first episode from the migraines I felt terrible that following Wednesday, and while I really had no desire to lead anything, I did it anyway. I truly felt like I'd been ran over by a truck, but guess what God showed up and while I was singing, I felt better. The following Sunday night, I still wasn't feeling it. I had just been released from the hospital the day before and really just felt awful and defeated. I had been released with no answers. However, I sucked it up, and gave God the best that I had.
Here is what I believe God has been trying to show me or at least what he has taught me in the mess that has been my family's life for the past couple of weeks. No matter what is going on in my life, no matter how awful, how sad, how hurt, angry, and frustrated I am or I feel....He still deserves my praise. It truly makes no difference if I feel like it or not. I just pray, ask Him to help me and give me the strength. He paid the ultimate price. He gave the ultimate sacrifice. The least I can do is give Him the honor and glory and praise that He so deserves. You know what the best thing about being obedient, doing what He's called you to do even when you'd rather not? He shows up, He blesses you. He doesn't have to, but He does. It's amazing!! It's heartbreaking to think that we/I so often give him excuses why we're not giving him our best when He's always given everything for us. The most humbling part about this is we've never deserved this and we never will, but yet He is gracious to give it any way.
The song I keep thinking of as I type this is Mandisa's "Broken Hallelujah." It's lyrics are so very true!! Well I hope this made some sense. Well I'm about to leave to practice for worship in the morning!! I'll talk soon!
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