First of all, in case you're wondering my medication seems to be having minimal side effects. This week has been the worst I've felt since I started taking the medication, but I'm trusting God that eventually these migraines will stop along with dizzy spells and the trouble with my vision. All I can say is I've just felt terrible this whole entire week and today hasn't changed that. I increase my medication for the last time on Monday evening, and I am hoping that that will be the final blow these migraines need to go away completely.
Besides health stuff, adjusting to my new role at church has been a little rough too. While some people think worship music holds little or no significance in a service I STRONGLY disagree, and the fact that I am leading it is a role I take VERY seriously. Before you jump to any sort of conclusions, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. I just think worship softens the hearts of the congregation to hear the pastors message and also helps the pastor prepare to preach too. All that being said, when something is important to me, it can really do a number on me. I always want to do my best for God. After all, if not for Him who am I doing it for? So when it doesn't go as well as I think it should, I often find myself beating myself up and questioning my capabilities. Some of you may be saying why not just quit? Well, I can't, because this is truly where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing. That being said I know He will give me all I need and I will give Him all I have each Sunday and Wednesday. Plus, as I've said in the past, when I'm up there, a peace just washes over me, and it's just confirmation that I'm right where He wants me to be.
Another thing that's been weighing super heavy on my heart is the issue of abortion. I've seen so many celebrities knocking particular candidates for making it mandatory for women to hear the babies heart beat and actually hear in descriptive detail what's on the sonogram. How dare they infringe on women's rights? Blah, blah, blah? Well here's what I say to them...what about a women's right to avoid the emotional turmoil of living her entire life of knowing that she murdered her baby? Why does no one think this is an issue? They care about her right to murder her baby, but don't care about her right to be truly educated on the fact that she is in fact killing a human being. It's mind boggling and heart breaking. If you haven't heard of the Back to Life Movement, I urge you to check out what these 39 women are doing...absolutely amazing!!! http://www.backtolifemovement.com/
See, I told you I was all over the place. I guess lastly my heart has just been breaking for so many of my friends that are hurting...just issues in general. All I can say to all of you is that I am praying for each and every one of you. No matter how insignificant you think your hurt/frustration is compared to someone elses, if it matters to you, it's significant. God cares and loves you and wants you to lay whatever it is at his feet.
I heard this song for the first time almost a year ago in August and it made me bawl like a baby then. Even now, it brings tears. It's AMAZING!! I hope I didn't jump around too much and that this made some sort of sense! If anything, it helped me sort through my mess of a mind!! =0)
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