So last time I wrote I was preparing for Elyse's surgery. Monday will be 2 weeks and she's doing incredible. I haven't really shared about surgery day, so I thought I would since it was pretty amazing.
After they wheeled her back, we went into the waiting area. We just happened to sit by someone reading his bible. Before we knew it, him and a member from his church were having a bible study right next to us. An elder from his church prayed with us, and then we ended up talking to the pastor's wife for a long time.
Say what you will, but these people were totally a God send. Elyse's procedure was supposed to only be an hour, and it ended up taking about 2 1/2 hours. Had we not sat right where we did, I would have been so anxious wondering what was taking so long. While I did check the time more than once, we were captivated by our conversation. Aaron and the man who's son was also having surgery exchanged numbers right before we went back to see Elyse. I think what was most encouraging to me was how at peace the man was. His son was having brain surgery,MAJOR surgery, but yet, him and his church family were such an encouragement to us. God is so good. His timing is perfect, and he knew exactly what I needed that day.
While I was a peace during her procedure, I completely fell apart when I saw her afterwards. It's so hard to see your baby hurting and knowing there's really nothing you can do. We've made it through the worst of it, and she is still my perfect, beautiful, princess. Mommy is praying for no scaring which is probably a silly prayer. I just know how critical I am of myself, and I don't ever want my baby girl to doubt how beautiful she is.
Being a mommy to a girl is definitely a whole new experience. It's forcing me to choose my words carefully. It's also making me realize that I don't ever want Elyse to be as critical of herself as I have been of myself. I don't ever want her to doubt her worth and that she's fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am so grateful for my relationship with God and the wonderful support system I have. I truly can't imagine life without Jesus and praying friends.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
You Make Me Brave
I've needed to write for a while now.. It's been so hard, because honestly I've been a mess for weeks now. I think the reason I hesitated for so long is because I didn't want to come off as whiny or faithless.
The truth is, everything I've been feeling and going through is absolutely normal. There's also no reason to be ashamed of feeling anxious, scared, heartbroken, sad, and defeated. The problem is staying that way and dwelling in those feelings and letting them consume you.
As a mother, it's so hard to see your child go through anything. A cough, cold, anything that makes our children uncomfortable, breaks our mommy hearts. Lately I've felt like I've needed to apologize for feeling sad about Elyse's MRI last week and her surgery tomorrow. The truth is, I don't. Honestly, I don't want to feel ashamed for being a concerned parent, a mommy who loves her baby girl and wants more than anything to keep her from the pain she'll be going through.
While I can't promise I won't cry at some point tomorrow, I do feel like God reminded me of a few things over the passed couple of days. First of all, with as much as I love Elyse, HE loves her SO MUCH MORE. He wants her safe, happy and whole, much more than even Aaron and I do. He loves me as well, and wants to give me His peace.
On the way to church this morning, I heard the song, "You Make Me Brave." While I've always loved this song, it had me crying all the way to church. As I was sing/crying along, the lyrics really spoke to me. "You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the love that made away. You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the promises You made." He is FOR me, He is NOT against me, and I am so very grateful for that. I'm grateful that through Him I can be brave and face whatever life throws my way.
I've said this before but I think it's worth repeating. Jesus cares about YOU. He loves YOU. He died for YOU. What hurts you matters to HIM. Though I know Elyse's situation is not anything compared to what others are facing, even so, my heavenly Father wants to give me His peace that passes all understanding. He wants me to cast my burden on Him. He wants me to put Elyse in His arms and let Him carry her through this, carry us all through this.
I can't thank all my friends enough for checking in on me, listening to me, loving me, and praying for me. You have no idea what that means to me. I truly believe those prayers are keeping me sane and making me brave. :-)
The truth is, everything I've been feeling and going through is absolutely normal. There's also no reason to be ashamed of feeling anxious, scared, heartbroken, sad, and defeated. The problem is staying that way and dwelling in those feelings and letting them consume you.
As a mother, it's so hard to see your child go through anything. A cough, cold, anything that makes our children uncomfortable, breaks our mommy hearts. Lately I've felt like I've needed to apologize for feeling sad about Elyse's MRI last week and her surgery tomorrow. The truth is, I don't. Honestly, I don't want to feel ashamed for being a concerned parent, a mommy who loves her baby girl and wants more than anything to keep her from the pain she'll be going through.
While I can't promise I won't cry at some point tomorrow, I do feel like God reminded me of a few things over the passed couple of days. First of all, with as much as I love Elyse, HE loves her SO MUCH MORE. He wants her safe, happy and whole, much more than even Aaron and I do. He loves me as well, and wants to give me His peace.
On the way to church this morning, I heard the song, "You Make Me Brave." While I've always loved this song, it had me crying all the way to church. As I was sing/crying along, the lyrics really spoke to me. "You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the love that made away. You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the promises You made." He is FOR me, He is NOT against me, and I am so very grateful for that. I'm grateful that through Him I can be brave and face whatever life throws my way.
I've said this before but I think it's worth repeating. Jesus cares about YOU. He loves YOU. He died for YOU. What hurts you matters to HIM. Though I know Elyse's situation is not anything compared to what others are facing, even so, my heavenly Father wants to give me His peace that passes all understanding. He wants me to cast my burden on Him. He wants me to put Elyse in His arms and let Him carry her through this, carry us all through this.
I can't thank all my friends enough for checking in on me, listening to me, loving me, and praying for me. You have no idea what that means to me. I truly believe those prayers are keeping me sane and making me brave. :-)
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