Okay..it might not be right off the press, but it's new as in just a few short hours ago. I finally went to the chiropractor again today. I've needed to go for quite some time. I've had neck, back and shoulder issues for a while, but lately my neck has really been bothering me, so I finally listened to my nagging husband and made the appointment. ;0)
While I did not get the sweet relief of an adjustment today, I did get relief in another way. During my assessment, the doctor said my neck was incredibly messed up, and when I went into detail of all that had happened over the past month, he said he would feel more comfortable seeing x-rays before adjusting me. That way, he would not actually cause a migraine or episode or adjust and then see there's something more serious going on.
Okay...I'm kind of babbling. The good news is, he thinks that the condition of my neck could be a trigger for my migraines!!!!!!!! :0) Fix the neck=stop the medication!!!! This at least is what I'm hoping and praying for. So we'll see. I'm hoping to get the x-rays squeezed in during my lunch break tomorrow and then hopefully get adjustment #1 on Thursday!
On top of this, a friend of mine told me that juicing has stopped her migraines all together, so I will probably be trying that in the near future also. I figure it couldn't hurt!! The healthier I am, the better.
As of right now, eating isn't enjoyable, and I'm not really eating all that much any way since my medication leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. It's hard to explain, it doesn't make food taste different, but the constant taste in my mouth makes the idea of eating less appealing. Needless to say, my goal is to not be on these pills if I can help it, and of course to talk to my neurologist when I see him next week!! =0) No worries folks...I am still eating, so I am not wasting away.
Well I'll keep you posted..hopefully I'll know more Thursday evening!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Jumbled Mess of My Mind
I'm not even sure where to begin, because my mind has been mush lately. I've had about a million things to think about and while things seem to be slowing down, I still feel like I have so much to say and sort through. Here goes the jumbled mess that has been me lately.
First of all, in case you're wondering my medication seems to be having minimal side effects. This week has been the worst I've felt since I started taking the medication, but I'm trusting God that eventually these migraines will stop along with dizzy spells and the trouble with my vision. All I can say is I've just felt terrible this whole entire week and today hasn't changed that. I increase my medication for the last time on Monday evening, and I am hoping that that will be the final blow these migraines need to go away completely.
Besides health stuff, adjusting to my new role at church has been a little rough too. While some people think worship music holds little or no significance in a service I STRONGLY disagree, and the fact that I am leading it is a role I take VERY seriously. Before you jump to any sort of conclusions, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. I just think worship softens the hearts of the congregation to hear the pastors message and also helps the pastor prepare to preach too. All that being said, when something is important to me, it can really do a number on me. I always want to do my best for God. After all, if not for Him who am I doing it for? So when it doesn't go as well as I think it should, I often find myself beating myself up and questioning my capabilities. Some of you may be saying why not just quit? Well, I can't, because this is truly where God wants me to be and what He wants me to be doing. That being said I know He will give me all I need and I will give Him all I have each Sunday and Wednesday. Plus, as I've said in the past, when I'm up there, a peace just washes over me, and it's just confirmation that I'm right where He wants me to be.
Another thing that's been weighing super heavy on my heart is the issue of abortion. I've seen so many celebrities knocking particular candidates for making it mandatory for women to hear the babies heart beat and actually hear in descriptive detail what's on the sonogram. How dare they infringe on women's rights? Blah, blah, blah? Well here's what I say to them...what about a women's right to avoid the emotional turmoil of living her entire life of knowing that she murdered her baby? Why does no one think this is an issue? They care about her right to murder her baby, but don't care about her right to be truly educated on the fact that she is in fact killing a human being. It's mind boggling and heart breaking. If you haven't heard of the Back to Life Movement, I urge you to check out what these 39 women are doing...absolutely amazing!!! http://www.backtolifemovement.com/
See, I told you I was all over the place. I guess lastly my heart has just been breaking for so many of my friends that are hurting...just issues in general. All I can say to all of you is that I am praying for each and every one of you. No matter how insignificant you think your hurt/frustration is compared to someone elses, if it matters to you, it's significant. God cares and loves you and wants you to lay whatever it is at his feet.
I heard this song for the first time almost a year ago in August and it made me bawl like a baby then. Even now, it brings tears. It's AMAZING!! I hope I didn't jump around too much and that this made some sort of sense! If anything, it helped me sort through my mess of a mind!! =0)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday Tunes-Strong Enough-Matthew West
Two of my friends have posted this a couple of times on their Facebook pages and this is an amazing song! I'm so glad they introduced it to me! =0) So now I introduce it to you if you haven't heard it! ;0)
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Migraines and everything else
So of course all of you know by now after the millions (a mild overstatement) of tests they ran while I was in the hospital the verdict is migraines. Apparently it is not uncommon at all to have stroke like symptoms when you're suffering from migraines. So while this stinks, I am praising God that my broken shunt and the fluid cyst in my brain are not the issue. This =not another brain surgery for me which=my hair staying in tact. ;0) So the plan of attack appears to be a medicine that I will take for either a while or forever. I guess it really depends on what my neurologist thinks and how well it prevents future migraines. I am truly okay with this. Besides being dizzy off and on, it has ruined the taste of Diet Coke. This has been an addiction I've been trying to stop for a while, so I thank God for that. See, there's always silver lining, and the doctor did warn me this would happen. It didn't ruin my Starbuck's, so I'll survive! =0) Now the next step is just praying that as I increase my dosage the next few weeks, I will continue to be okay.
The past couple of months have been a struggle, and while I'm no doctor, I truly believe that stress was the 'trigger' for the migraines. Between Aaron's traveling, me being home alone, Aaron's surgery, Dexter and my staph, the complication from Aaron's surgery and him traveling any way, and issues Brett's been having at school, I think my body finally just cracked. I hadn't been sleeping well at all, and I can't tell you the last day at work where I haven't truly had to focus to keep my eyes open throughout the day. Through all this though, and especially today, I've felt a stirring deep inside me.
It's hard to explain, but I'll try. First of all, if you know me, you know this is in no way me bragging. That's truly not my personality. You'll understand that disclaimer as I continue. I have been leading worship at my church on Wednesday and Sunday nights for about 2 months now. After my first episode from the migraines I felt terrible that following Wednesday, and while I really had no desire to lead anything, I did it anyway. I truly felt like I'd been ran over by a truck, but guess what God showed up and while I was singing, I felt better. The following Sunday night, I still wasn't feeling it. I had just been released from the hospital the day before and really just felt awful and defeated. I had been released with no answers. However, I sucked it up, and gave God the best that I had.
Here is what I believe God has been trying to show me or at least what he has taught me in the mess that has been my family's life for the past couple of weeks. No matter what is going on in my life, no matter how awful, how sad, how hurt, angry, and frustrated I am or I feel....He still deserves my praise. It truly makes no difference if I feel like it or not. I just pray, ask Him to help me and give me the strength. He paid the ultimate price. He gave the ultimate sacrifice. The least I can do is give Him the honor and glory and praise that He so deserves. You know what the best thing about being obedient, doing what He's called you to do even when you'd rather not? He shows up, He blesses you. He doesn't have to, but He does. It's amazing!! It's heartbreaking to think that we/I so often give him excuses why we're not giving him our best when He's always given everything for us. The most humbling part about this is we've never deserved this and we never will, but yet He is gracious to give it any way.
The song I keep thinking of as I type this is Mandisa's "Broken Hallelujah." It's lyrics are so very true!! Well I hope this made some sense. Well I'm about to leave to practice for worship in the morning!! I'll talk soon!
The past couple of months have been a struggle, and while I'm no doctor, I truly believe that stress was the 'trigger' for the migraines. Between Aaron's traveling, me being home alone, Aaron's surgery, Dexter and my staph, the complication from Aaron's surgery and him traveling any way, and issues Brett's been having at school, I think my body finally just cracked. I hadn't been sleeping well at all, and I can't tell you the last day at work where I haven't truly had to focus to keep my eyes open throughout the day. Through all this though, and especially today, I've felt a stirring deep inside me.
It's hard to explain, but I'll try. First of all, if you know me, you know this is in no way me bragging. That's truly not my personality. You'll understand that disclaimer as I continue. I have been leading worship at my church on Wednesday and Sunday nights for about 2 months now. After my first episode from the migraines I felt terrible that following Wednesday, and while I really had no desire to lead anything, I did it anyway. I truly felt like I'd been ran over by a truck, but guess what God showed up and while I was singing, I felt better. The following Sunday night, I still wasn't feeling it. I had just been released from the hospital the day before and really just felt awful and defeated. I had been released with no answers. However, I sucked it up, and gave God the best that I had.
Here is what I believe God has been trying to show me or at least what he has taught me in the mess that has been my family's life for the past couple of weeks. No matter what is going on in my life, no matter how awful, how sad, how hurt, angry, and frustrated I am or I feel....He still deserves my praise. It truly makes no difference if I feel like it or not. I just pray, ask Him to help me and give me the strength. He paid the ultimate price. He gave the ultimate sacrifice. The least I can do is give Him the honor and glory and praise that He so deserves. You know what the best thing about being obedient, doing what He's called you to do even when you'd rather not? He shows up, He blesses you. He doesn't have to, but He does. It's amazing!! It's heartbreaking to think that we/I so often give him excuses why we're not giving him our best when He's always given everything for us. The most humbling part about this is we've never deserved this and we never will, but yet He is gracious to give it any way.
The song I keep thinking of as I type this is Mandisa's "Broken Hallelujah." It's lyrics are so very true!! Well I hope this made some sense. Well I'm about to leave to practice for worship in the morning!! I'll talk soon!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
ER/Hospital Stay and What Comes Next
First of all, thank you so much for everyone who's texted, called, facebooked, and prayed for me recently. I was literally sitting in hospital bed crying because I was so overwhelmed with the concern and love I felt.
So I'll try to explain what warranted the 911 call Thursday night. I had been asleep in bed for a couple of hours and I woke up feeling incredibly off. I was trembling, lightheaded, my heart was racing, and I felt like my head was filling up. I can't even fully describe it, but I was afraid to fall back asleep. Aaron was going to drive me to the ER, but since neither of us have ever had to we had no idea where to go. We called 911, and the firemen and eventually the ambulance people came. They took me to the hospital, but there was no siren or anything. I honestly felt like an idiot while trying to describe how I was feeling, because it was just off.
By the time I got to the hospital, my symptoms had calmed down. I gave them the CD of the images from my CT scan and then we literally sat for hours after they took blood and stuff. I was beginning to think I was crazy and that it was just some sort of panic attack. That was when the nurse came in and said that I would be admitted to the NeuroICU and that there was an issue with my shunt. If you want to see me have a emotional meltdown, tell me my shunt is broke.
Basically what they told me is that there was a cyst of fluid on my brain and that the tubing was broken which was possibly causing the backup of fluid. They would just cut my neck and fix the tubing and then all should be good. I was okay with the minor surgery and so grateful it wasn't worse. The neurosurgeon came in the next day and said he felt I didn't need surgery. He said that he thinks that shunt has been broken for a while, and he also felt that it had served it's purpose. He even said the cyst wasn't causing any issues or pressing on anything, and that it was normal. That's when all the other tests started. They scanned my stomach, my chest, did an MRI on my brain, scanned my neck, took lots of blood, and even squeezed in a pregnancy test. Nothing jumped out at them, and all the tests came back negative. The only thing I found out for sure from being in the hospital is that my potassium level was low. Everything else was a theory. I was given a prescription for Hydrocodone, and a couple of vitamins and told to keep my appointment I already have scheduled with the neurologist Monday.
Needless to say I am frustrated and a little scared. Something had to cause the numbness, the speech issues, and then all the additional symptoms I experienced on Thursday night. Don't get me wrong, I don't want anything to be wrong. I just want a reason. The reason will help me prevent ever feeling that way again. Right now, I don't have that peace of mind, because I was told nothing.
If you could do me one favor it would be to continue to pray. Pray that if I don't get an answer Monday, that God will give me peace that I will never have an episode again. I want so badly to feel normal, to not have a headache, not feel weak and off. Thank you everyone again for your prayers and concern. It means more to me than you'll ever know!
So I'll try to explain what warranted the 911 call Thursday night. I had been asleep in bed for a couple of hours and I woke up feeling incredibly off. I was trembling, lightheaded, my heart was racing, and I felt like my head was filling up. I can't even fully describe it, but I was afraid to fall back asleep. Aaron was going to drive me to the ER, but since neither of us have ever had to we had no idea where to go. We called 911, and the firemen and eventually the ambulance people came. They took me to the hospital, but there was no siren or anything. I honestly felt like an idiot while trying to describe how I was feeling, because it was just off.
By the time I got to the hospital, my symptoms had calmed down. I gave them the CD of the images from my CT scan and then we literally sat for hours after they took blood and stuff. I was beginning to think I was crazy and that it was just some sort of panic attack. That was when the nurse came in and said that I would be admitted to the NeuroICU and that there was an issue with my shunt. If you want to see me have a emotional meltdown, tell me my shunt is broke.
Basically what they told me is that there was a cyst of fluid on my brain and that the tubing was broken which was possibly causing the backup of fluid. They would just cut my neck and fix the tubing and then all should be good. I was okay with the minor surgery and so grateful it wasn't worse. The neurosurgeon came in the next day and said he felt I didn't need surgery. He said that he thinks that shunt has been broken for a while, and he also felt that it had served it's purpose. He even said the cyst wasn't causing any issues or pressing on anything, and that it was normal. That's when all the other tests started. They scanned my stomach, my chest, did an MRI on my brain, scanned my neck, took lots of blood, and even squeezed in a pregnancy test. Nothing jumped out at them, and all the tests came back negative. The only thing I found out for sure from being in the hospital is that my potassium level was low. Everything else was a theory. I was given a prescription for Hydrocodone, and a couple of vitamins and told to keep my appointment I already have scheduled with the neurologist Monday.
Needless to say I am frustrated and a little scared. Something had to cause the numbness, the speech issues, and then all the additional symptoms I experienced on Thursday night. Don't get me wrong, I don't want anything to be wrong. I just want a reason. The reason will help me prevent ever feeling that way again. Right now, I don't have that peace of mind, because I was told nothing.
If you could do me one favor it would be to continue to pray. Pray that if I don't get an answer Monday, that God will give me peace that I will never have an episode again. I want so badly to feel normal, to not have a headache, not feel weak and off. Thank you everyone again for your prayers and concern. It means more to me than you'll ever know!
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