I'm not even sure where to begin. Writing has always been something I love, but it's always the first thing to go when life gets crazy, and boy is life crazy these days. There's so much going on, and sometimes it feels beyond overwhelming. So tonight, while the kids are getting along, I write.
There have been so many things on my heart lately. Most of them I've continued to ignore because I'm just too tired to follow through. That has changed recently. For the last year, I feel like I've been in a rut, not making a real difference in my day to day to life. I've just been existing, stuck in the routine of the tasks from day to day. It's so frustrating feeling unfulfilled. A couple of years ago now, I felt led to start a women's group. We met once or twice, and then I let myself get too busy. It became a daunting obligation that I didn't want to make time for anymore. That has changed now. I have started the group again, and we will meet for the first time in July. I'm super stoked to begin and really don't feel stressed about it at all. It's a relief to know I'm walking out what I believe to be a calling on my life.
Another thing I never thought I would do was start my own stream. My husband and one of our dear friends started streaming over a year ago. The impact they are making is incredible. Aaron has been pushing me to start a worship channel, and I streamed for the first time on Monday. It was a bit overwhelming and scary, but something happens when I begin to sing and worship. I've realized after many years of being my worst critic, that one of the main ingredients of being a great worship leader is the heart behind the leading. Am I the best singer? Nope. Am I the best musician? HA, absolutely not! BUT, do I love Jesus and singing praises to His name? More than anything. It's such a huge burden lifted when you realize that it's not about you. If the focus is truly on the One you're singing about, people will follow and they will recognize the counterfeit. It's weird being a leader who hates people looking at her. It's also still very strange to me that I am a leader. Then again, I do believe we should all be leading someone.
I'm so grateful for all that God has given me. I get so caught up in what's going on in the moment and forget to look at all the good around me. I am privileged to lead worship. What an honor it is to do something that I've loved since I was a child standing on a chair singing in church. How amazing is it to have a platform online to sing songs of hope to those who feel hopeless? I'm still baffled that anyone would watch, but then again, I'm also shocked that anyone would want to come to a women's group lead by me. HA! God truly does work in mysterious ways, using someone awkward and uncomfortable ...a person who hates people looking at them.
I guess I write all this to encourage you. Don't just exist. Follow your God-given passions. They are passions for a reason. We serve a limitless God who can do wonderful things through those who will step out in faith and follow.
