Today has been a day. I've cried more today than I have in a very long time. The crazy part is most of it was literally nothing worthy of my tears. Something about work really got to me. I thought I did something wrong, but I actually did exactly what I was told to do. See no reason for tears.
I went to chiropractor today which I was SO looking forward to. For at least a week, I've been waking up in the middle of the night barely able to move because my back is in so much pain. While I know what was done today will help, I'm at the point where it's WORSE before it gets better. The adjustment also triggered a terrible migraine that had me crying as well. I napped for a couple of hours, but the pain is still there. Honestly, I'm just so ready to feel better.
My weight is not where I want it to be, and that has been a constant internal battle as well. This is another reason I just want to feel better. It's so hard to get moving when you're hurting. I'm so thankful for a husband who is constantly telling me how beautiful I am. I'm also grateful that today when he came home and saw me crying, he just told me to get up so we could hug it out. I'm a lucky lady even though he thinks he's the lucky one.
I'm sure you're all very grateful for the depressing blog post. Here's the deal though, in spite of all the doom and gloom, I'm still so grateful.
I finally have a job that allows me to work from home pretty much all week. Anyone who knows me knows it's always been my dream to stay home and be available for my kiddos. Now I have have that luxery. I'm even getting some extra exercise since I'm able to walk Dexter to and from school. While Elyse can't be home with me, I'm right down the road and available if her or my mom need anything. It's crazy to finally get the job I never dreamed would be possible. What's even more awesome is that I've only been there for 5 months. Even crazier is how uneasy I was about taking a job in Grapevine since I hate driving. So grateful for my sweet friend Sarah on the inside who told me this was a company worth driving to. Totally an answer to prayers.
I guess I wrote this mostly to show that I don't have it together all the time. People assume that since I lead worship, that somehow that exempts me from struggles. I don't ever want anyone to think that my life is perfect. I get angry, sad,anxious and man do I struggle sometimes. I've always found it hard opening up to people who appear to have it all together. That's why it's so important that we're real with each other. How can we carry each other's burdens if we walk around acting like life is rainbows and butterflies all the time? It's just not possible. It's time to be real.
I'm so grateful for the Godly friendships and family I have. I'm grateful for the prayers that go up for me daily. I'm grateful, but yes, like any normal person, I too have those days where crawling in a dark hole sounds amazing.
